One of my favorite scenes in the Excellent "Cosby Show" series was when Clair Huxtable, played by Phelicia Rashad, and Dr. Heathcliff "Cliff" Huxtable, played by Bill Cosby, were making out in their bed until they got a knock on their bedroom door. After Bill Cosby responded with "Who is it," his two youngest daughters, Rudy and Vanessa walked into the room. Then with a face shared with mannerisms that my words have no chance of duplicating, he stresses to the girls that when he asks "who is it," that they are not supposed to barge into the room, they are supposed to say "who it is." He then directs the girls out of the room in an attempt to test the students on their new lesson, and they knock on the door again. He yells "who is it!" And they reply "who it is!"
You might chalk up the way that the two girls comprehended what he was saying to young age, lack of life experience, or maybe even a lack of "common sense," if so you have solidified my reason for writing this particular Blog. You see, this is an example of how most people communicate. We assume, because our life experiences are so powerful, that people share the same outlook or amount of wisdom that we have. This assumption causes us to withhold so called “obvious information,” or teach and share info in a manner that we learn “only”, (visual, auditory, kennesthetic, etc.), thinking that others learn or comprehend things the same way that we do. This is just a nice way of saying that due to these actions we easily and unconsciously become poor communicators.
Here are two best practices that I exercise to keep me from being biased that can help you to be or become a better communicator. These practices will also help you to see if your thought process or conclusion about a topic is something that you made up because your life experience was so powerful and convincing that you accepted it as truth, or if it is just an emotion opinion.
Let’s first come to an agreement of what truth is not. Unfortunately what we currently accept as truth is nothing more than the science term for “theory,” which is pretty much an idea that is true majority of the time, but there are a few if not many exceptions to the conclusion. This confusion between theory and law, or theory and truth in this case, is what I believe to be a huge reason why so many people are in trouble in their relationships, writing, teaching, and or the way that they communicate.
Now let’s talk about what truth is. Truth in the sense that I am talking about is the equivalent of the science term “law,” which basically means that your conclusion has no exceptions to its rule. When you’re speaking “truth” this to me is when you have the right to share info or what we consider advice. Otherwise you should keep your opinions or so called advice to yourself, because you are dangerous and more than likely a contributor to the problem “average Joe,” “experts,” “coaches,” “celebrities,” and “doctor’s.”
The first best practice step you should take toward becoming a better communicator and making better unbiased and educated decisions is, “Always ask yourself and others why questions until you get to the root of the reasoning behind yours and other people’s conclusions.” This practice will help you to better understand yourself and equips you with a great method to use to better understand others and their actions. Example: I wrote a post on facebook that stated if your relationship is built on looks alone that time itself will ruin that relationship because your looks change with time. After my post I had a woman tell me that “all” men are visual creatures and that her statement is a fact. What made her make that statement below my facebook post, I have no idea, but when people generalize people or things I feel the need to entertain and educate them, so I did. I asked her what proof did she have to validate this “so called” fact, translation, why did she think that? Her response was that her proof came from the response of the MANY male friends that she asked just to get a male perspective.
She assumed that because she asked several men the same question and they all gave her the same answer that “all” men shared the same opinion about that topic. In other words, her “life experience” was so powerful to her that it caused her to assume that “all” men felt the same way about this particular topic. That is until she had a new life experience, “me,” and I brought to her attention, something that she could relate to that also debunked her theory. I told her that I hear, more often than not, about women who are frustrated because their man doesn’t notice when they get their hair or nails done. This sounds like a male visual problem to me, how about you?
Had she asked herself why she came to that conclusion and then took the last “best practice step, which is “Before you decide that your conclusion is truth, ask yourself is this always the case, or is there an exception to your rule,” then she probably would have never made such a broad statement like “all” men are visual.
The last best practice step you should take toward becoming a better communicator and making better unbiased and educated decisions is, “Before you decide that your conclusion is truth, ask yourself is this always the case, or is there an exception to your or the person you are receiving advice from rule.” This prevents you from making ridiculous conclusions, assumptions or statements, and in turn giving terrible advice that ruins other peoples thought process about things. Example: I overheard a conversation between a male and a female amongst their peers on the topic of sex. The woman asked why is it so easy for guys to get over a girl after they have sex. The guy confidently replied with, women are emotion creatures when it comes to sex and men aren’t, so guys can have sex with no feelings involved and women can’t. Me being who I am I had to interject with “interesting” to get the guy to ask me why I felt his statement was so interesting. He took the bait and asked. I replied that it was interesting because prostitution is a lucrative business comprised of mostly women, and I find that to be interesting due to the fact that women are emotional creatures when it comes to sex and can’t have sex without having their feelings involved like he said. He didn’t like me after that, but I got my point across and the people in the room began to think, which was the reason for my interjection. Kind of like the reason for this blog…
If you found this blog to be interesting, helpful, or would like for me to elaborate more on my thought, feel free to ask questions or comment.