The Perfect Script
One of the most profound things that my wife and I were blessed to learn was by author Ra Un Nefer Amen. He indicated that we all have been conditioned to have a script of the ideal person and the ideal relationship. This script can include anything from physical characteristics to financial status and personality type. When we first fall in love and have those butterflies in our stomach and fire in our hearts, it’s probably due to us feeling like we found the man or woman of our dreams or the perfect soul mate. This is a manifestation of the script! It is a blueprint or preconceived image and even motion picture of the person that you think can make you happy or happier.
First of all, you and your partner need to be independently happy and joyous. When you come together you both have something to add on to the cipher. If one partner doesn’t have self love, there will be an emotional deficit, an imbalance and problems will fester. These problems will be due to self-conflict, projection, denial, cognitive dissonance and overall low self esteem. Now back to the perfect script. When any part of your script breaks down and you find out that this person is only human, you will probably react in a unsatisfied manner and your partner will react in a similar manner. Now you have a break down in the relationship. Why? Because you have found out that your soul mate isn’t perfect.
I believe in the saying “You don’t know someone until you live with them”. And another “I could do bad all by myself”. It’s good to know your mate for real and not for whom you have dreamed up. You should know that this person has real issues and concerns like everyone else and that she/he has a heart. Once you know the real deal, you can work together to bring the peace, but don’t fall into the script. Beware of friends, co-workers, relatives and the Hollywood media which will suggest that your perfect fantasy man or woman is out there and you’re doing the wrong thing by struggling and dealing with your imperfect partner in your committed relationship. Yes, I actually heard a relative who had initiated a divorce say “I want it like I see it in Hollywood”. Any relationship will face its challenges just like any single person will face life’s ups and downs. The difference is that you make a vow or commitment to face these challenges together. Hollywood couples are not immune to the cycles of joy and pain that inevitably come as a part of our experience of life on earth. In my experience, it’s usually the single friends or the unhappily married friends that will suggest places, people and things that, in the end, are not good for your relationship. These suggestions will tend to pull you away from the number one thing that you and your love have agreed on and that is plans. There is also a natural rhythm; vibe or feeling that an evolving couple shares that will feel like is interrupted when you start reverting back to your bachelor and bachelorette days. I’m not saying that you can’t have fun with friends and associates, just make sure that they’re in your best interest. The best script or perfect picture that you’re going to get is the one that you build together.
*The above is an excerpt from the relationship book "Let's Bring Back the Butterflies" by Kamal Imani
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