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HINTS FOR YOUNG MEN TO BUILD SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES, PART 3

     Before we head further into the last part of this series, I wanted to lay out a few items for young men to consider. I’m not going to pull any punches. This first item is going to be a doozy and has been ducked and dodged in our modern era by BOTH society and the church.

     It has become ‘fashionable’ for girls and women to birth Out Of Wedlock children. In fact, the system has so ‘rigged’ OOW births to the point that the mother of the child does NOT have to have the father present for the birth certificate to be issued. She ‘merely’ gives the child HER last name and who she ‘thinks’ the father of the child may be. In fact, IF the young woman is still in school, it is NOT out of the question for her to have a ‘baby shower’ on school grounds to celebrate the happy event. Further, girls and women sit around and PLAN for some sucker to fall into bed with them in order to secure a twenty-year child support meal ticket!

     But wait, there’s more!

     Some churches have taken it upon themselves to have a ‘baby dedication’ service, whereby the mother of the child mutters a few words of dedication of the child to the Lord. Of course, her parents and grandparents may be at the ceremony giving their silent consent to the compounding of this sin. Further, IF a biblical Pastor who stands on the Word of God refuses to do the ceremony, the entire family may leave the church and find another Pastor who WILL meet their need. It is BETTER that they leave than to heap disgrace upon a church and a pastorate.

     The ‘shotgun wedding’ may have gone the way of the manual typewriter, but as long as everyone ‘feels’ that they are doing right before God, then all is well—and the tithes and offerings of the parents and grandparents continue to flow into the church. Unfortunately to all involved, an OOW child—in the scriptures—is known as a bastard child, and is under a TEN generation curse (Deuteronomy 23:2 KJV). How can the curse be broken IF no marriage has taken place? Once the child comes to the age of accountability, they must surrender their lives to Jesus Christ.

     My young brother, THIS is the chief reason why you don’t ‘bed’ a young woman before you marry her. You will have consequences MORE critical to deal with than child support, visitation, etc. You will have a child who is outside of the Kingdom of God and THAT is a heavy cross to bear for two wayward parents who should have married before producing offspring (Hebrews 13:4 KJV).

     I’ll say this again. The BEST way to show your respect to your future bride is NOT to bed—until you wed! IF you have OOWs already in the picture, then you MUST go back and correct the situation by repenting, apologizing to her, making sure that you have a paternity test done, and THEN asking for her hand in marriage. IF she refuses, THEN you need to pay your obligations and be in that child’s life as much as possible.

      This is a part of being a man—taking responsibility for your good deeds AND your bad ones.

     Why am I bringing this subject matter up? Well, let me just say that I have run into a few parents over the years who would rather be a grandparent than an in-law. They are so ‘ready’ for grandchildren that they don’t care if they are born outside of wedlock. They are selfish, stupid, ignorant and expect their sons and daughters to be the same!

     Sadly, some of these individuals go to church, and name the name of the Lord!

     The second item is this: IF masculinity is toxic, then wayward femininity is radioactive. This should be broadcast to every corner of the manosphere! In short, my friend, you have EVERY right to thoroughly check the character and background of ANY young woman with whom you are considering marriage, right down to and including her social media footprint. Yes, it IS that important, as your future will ride on the decision that you make as to whom you will be taking down the aisle.

     Moving on; from a biblical perspective, here are four books of the KJV Bible a young man—especially a Christian young man--should get to know regarding the character of women:

            *The Book of Ruth

            *The Book of Esther

            *The Book of Proverbs (Especially Chapter 31)

            *The Gospel of John

     There are other sections of the scriptures that will provide some great examples of women of the good and bad variety. However, a young man with a spiritual foundation firmly in place will have a better opportunity to hear God’s voice CLEARLY when it comes to whom he should marry.

     Let’s cover the hints that we have examined prior to this column:

Hint #1: Be Ye Surrendered to Christ (and your future bride as well).

Hint #2: Be Ye Wise. Do NOT fall for just a pretty face.

Hint #3: Be Ye Alert! Pay attention to your life—and hers!

Hint #4: Be Ye Selective. Beware of shallow or shrewish women.

Hint #5: Be Ye Logical: Logic serves a young man well in choices.

Hint #6: Be Ye Not Distracted. Focus on ALL steps involved in marriage.

     And the last hint for you, my young brother, as you are considering marriage is the following:

HINT #7—BE YE BIBLICAL:

     This merely means that you must take the proper spiritual steps to get—and keep—your marriage efforts in the right Kingdom—the Kingdom of God. It MUST be settled that your future bride go through pre-marital counseling with you with YOUR Pastor, as she will be coming to YOUR church once the marriage takes place. It is NOT the responsibility of the husband to ‘follow’ his wife to her church, it is the other way around. Also, future husbands must be sure that his wife IS a real Christian, as he cannot afford to be unequally yoked with a weak Christian or an unbelieving spouse who is masquerading as a believer ‘just’ to get married.

     By the way, my young friend, it never hurts to talk the older brothers in your church about the issue of marriage. IF they are true Christians and true leaders in your church, their family life should be open and above board as this is the cornerstone for true leaders in God’s church. No marriage is perfect, and each marriage has its own ups and downs. However, a couple who has passed the twenty year mark in marriage and is in your church is worth seeking advice from in order for you to make—and keep—an informed decision before the Lord.

     Others may try to put forth ‘absolutes’ on marriage, but I have chosen the best hints that have served myself, and other married men I know, well over the years. The choice is always yours when it comes to following wisdom from the ‘old heads’ whom you know. When all is said and done, brothers, while the wedding day features the bride, the marriage rests on the shoulders of the groom. Marriage is NOT a fifty-fifty deal, but a 100-100 reality with Jesus Christ in the center.

     Mike Ramey is a Retired Minister, KJV Bible Teacher, syndicated columnist and Bible Prophecy Specialist who lives in Indianapolis, Indiana.  “The Ramey Commentaries” is one of a variety of his columns appearing and abounding in print and cyberspace, written from a biblical, business, and common-sense perspective since 1996.  To drop him a line—or a whine—the address is still the same: mgmikeramey@yahoo.com.  ©2025 Barnstorm Communications International.