Forgiveness is a Process

Jun 21, 2015 8:19 AM
by Rolling Out
Rudwaan's lesson on forgiveness

Rudwaan’s lesson on forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an overnight process

Many are writing off wrongs committed against them under the misconception that they are forgiving their debtors; this is a misleading practice, for there can be no authentic forgiveness without the one who owes the debt following at least three stages, First acknowledging that they owe the debt, second repenting or showing remorse for the debt, and third actually requesting to be forgiven of the debt.

The act of writing off the wrong requires the actions of only the one who is owed, this action allows one to move the debt off their active balance sheets into an inactive file, once written off they stop actively pursuing (thinking about) this debt, that does not mean the debt or wrongful act committed against you does not still exist. In most cases when a debt is written off the one who owes the debt may not be aware that the debt has been written off, while the one who is owed the debt now has peace of mind because they are no longer thinking about this debt, the one who owes still bears the burden of what they owe and may in time come forward and settle the debt, perhaps to clear their conscience or clean up their credit file. The one who is owed the debt may then bring the debt out of the inactive file and settle it.

Forgiving a debt requires both parties to be actively involved; it’s not an instantaneous process but actually requires time.

It is the debtor (owes the debt) who initiates and seeks the process of forgiveness by first acknowledging that they owe the debt: “I know I did you wrong” (the acknowledgement stage). One cannot forgive a debt that is not acknowledged. Once the debt is acknowledged, the debtor must then show some form of remorse for the impact the debt has had on the party they are seeking forgiveness from; they must come down off their high horse and issue a formal and heartfelt apology: “I am truly sorry for the harm I caused you and your family” (the repentance stage). Upon a successful, meaningful and accepted repentance, the debtor may then make their plea for forgiveness: “Will you please forgive me?” (the requisition stage). All three stages must be completed by the debtor before forgiveness can be effectively considered and extended by the party that is wronged.

The party who is owed the debt may then scrutinize each stage of the forgiveness process for authenticity then accordingly may then extend forgiveness of the debt to the debtor, but this is only done if the one who is owed the debt is completely satisfied with the process, for once they extend forgiveness the debt can never be re-staged.

This is completely different from writing off a debt, which is merely moving the debt off your active ledger to an inactive file, like a “cold case” file. Note that when detectives move a case to the cold case file, they no longer actively work the case. That is not to say the case does not still exist; all it takes is for a new piece of evidence to surface and that case is brought out of “cold cases” and re-staged as an active case. This confusion between the two is why some people will say they forgive you for a thing but throw it back in your face every time there is a disagreement between the two of you.

It is also noteworthy that due to the extent of the damage, forgiveness may require a fourth stage, which is restitution. In other words, I may not begin to consider the forgiveness process until you replace my stolen goods.

Forgiveness is a process that actively involves both the one who owes the debt and the one who is owed the debt. It is not an overnight process. So ask yourself, “Am I writing off wrongs done against me under the guise of forgiveness?” –Rudwaan, The Lions Tale,

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  • South

    thanks for the feedback, the point you are making is the same point I made, you think you disagree with me but essentially you are saying the same thing, but instead of calling what you said forgiveness I label that 'write-off', a bank will not forgive your loan unless you go thru the process of requesting it, if you don't pay your debt the bank may eventually write the loan off, but that's not the same as forgiving the loan, when the loan is written off your credit is still impacted negatively, but when a loan is forgiven it does not negatively impact your credit. Forgiveness is a process that requires both the wronged party and the one who committed the wrong to participate...the one who committed the wrong must request the forgiveness...another scenario where a form of forgiveness is used is the court system, if the Prosecutor makes a deal to soften or void the debt owed to the State the judge will not honor that forgiveness until the defendant allocates or owns up to the debt and show the required amount of remorse, if the defendant does not follow these steps the Judge will not support the softened sentence or the deal the Prosecutor struck with the defendant's Legal no matter what angle you look at forgiveness from it requires participation of the party who committed the wrong or owes the debt...the other side whether it's the bank or the court is not going to initiate forgiveness if you don't want it, and yes the process also benefits the forgiver along the lines as you described

  • Forgiveness is for the forgiver not for the one being forgiven. It has nothing to do with the person being forgiven.
    To forgive means that I have given up all resentment - responsibility and blame and fault against the other person.
    Holding on to resentment kills the holder - robs him of power, freedom, peace of mind and self-expression.
    Not forgiving, holding on tho resentment, is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
    Forgiveness, therefore, is a gift one freely gives oneself without any expectation of reciprocation.
    Forgiveness is giving is giving up all hope for a better past while standing committedly for a future when the forgiver is being powerful, free, self-expressed with peace of mind.

    Forgiveness begins the moment - the instant - these three words are uttered; namely, "I Forgive You".
    Caviat: The forgiver must first forgive himself - let go of any self-demeaning thoughts about himself.

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