Posted by Petitfleur on August 17, 2009 at 12:00am
COLT 45 MALT LIQUOR'S ADS AIN'T WORKING FOR DETROITWritten by Patricia CallowayOriginally published at thepatshow.comI was walking down the street one day, in the merry, merry month of May……..Blah, blah, whatever, whatever. Actually I was riding down the street in May, on a city bus, when my eyes climbed up the faces and sides of the buildings lining Gratiot Avenue and fell upon the most blatantly absurd balls-out chunk of mendacity I have seen in long, long time.There, held aloft between side-by-side buildings, one an abandoned Subway restaurant, the other a just-ought-to-be-abandoned tire store stood two billboards connected by their edges advertising none other than Colt 45 Malt Liquor. Yes, Billy Dee Williams, or rather his likeness, was there and so was the tagline “Works Every Time”. Twice.I had never seen anything like that before; I had never seen identical liquor ads side by side and back to back on billboards like that, ever. This was new and I knew that it wasn’t a coincidence. Over the next few weeks or so I began to notice a proliferation, a strange outbreak of this particular billboard, inside the city. It was a rash of back in the day ghettoness on display high above the city streets. I don’t believe in coincidence, so I went over to Advertising Age to check up on old Colt 45’s movements of late and see exactly what all this meant.Now, according to brandchannel.com, this latest push by the Pabst Brewing Company coincides with another otherworldly believe-it-or-not occurrence: acceptance of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer into the lower upper crust of social drinking. Yes, that’s right, PBR has graduated from the pickup truck, hunting dog and tractor pull crowd all the way up the chain to those slick young urban hipsters you see on TV with their trendy clothes and haircuts. Why, in New York City (New York!), you can order a PBR at a trendy Manhattan restaurant and pay $5.00 per glass just like the real beers on the menu. You can also walk around the corner to the local liquor store and buy a PBR six-pack for $3.50. Don’t tell those trendy hipsters, though, it makes them feel cheap. And poor. And, honestly, who wants to feel that?IT’S HIP TO BE POORYes, in a society that is dependent upon fads and trends to milk the public’s pockets, what better trend is there to follow in these tough economic times but living on less like, you know, people in poverty? It’s new and it’s news: you can’t turn a channel, click on a homepage or turn the radio dial without hearing about how none of us have anything. No healthcare, no jobs, no homes, we don’t have shit. No more five dollar lattes for you, it’s that straight one dollar java until this economic thing blows over. What size? Small; not that crazy fake Italian small they sell at Starbucks, but the real small. You know, the little one.PBR has stepped up the social chain, and, trust me, it was an accident because Dale Earnhart fans are proud of where they come from; so what could Pabst Brewing do about Colt 45, its ghetto stepchild forever linked with the despair of inner city poverty (not that the company never wanted it that way)? Send it up the social ladder? Not hardly; black poverty is only attractive in rap music. No, there had to be another wayLet’s go sideways, they said. Yeah, we’ll expand from side to side. Get new customers, young customers, include everybody, yeah, like, I don’t know, white chicks and Mexicans, make it a party!Suddenly, old school winoness had a future.EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAINThe first time Colt 45 tried to get from under the long shadow of Billy Dee was in the 2007 when it launched “Tales of Colt 45”, a campaign geared toward the young hip (hop) urban crowd. His replacement was a graffiti-type comic book style by Jim Mahfood, a bona fide comic book artist who depicted urban party scenes complete with ghetto blasters, basketballs and long-limbed racially ambiguous chicks languishing in cutoff tees, untied sneakers and shorty shorts who were mesmerized by the power of a man under the influence of ghetto moonshine. You know, like in your neighborhood!Well, that went over. Anyway, late last year some genius decided hey, we need insurance on this next campaign. Let’s reach out to new customers and old ones all at the same time. Let’s bring back Billy Dee Williams.Now, you and I know that Billy Dee is two weeks older than rain. So what they did was render a really creepy drawing of Billy Dee for their ads. They would kill two birds with one stone; Pabst was betting on the sight of Billy Dee bringing back that warm, drunken feeling withcustomers who were around back in the Stone Age when Bill was cracking, while the new look would reel in the newbies’ curiosity of all things ghetto. Many of these customers had no knowledge of Lando Calrissian’s drunken fuck past, so to see him endorsing a product, well, it had to be good. He's so smooth, so debonair. And Pabst was right.Only Billy Dee didn’t see it that way; he threatened to sue Pabst for using his image without his consent. His image was being used on billboards, print ads, in-store posters and on the creepiest website you’ve ever seen, www.workseverytime.com. I can’t describe it, you just have to see this for yourself.When I first logged on to the site back in May, it was not then what it is now. One day I heard about the lawsuit, then I never heard it about again, but when I returned to the website today (8-9-09), I saw why. Billy Dee is still there, but there is a little note on the site that bears his signature, the word “Approved”, and, suddenly, all sorts of Billy Dee Williams merchandise (including a weird Billy Dee blowup doll in the likeness of Lando Calrissian) appeared on the site at its own location, while Colt 45's merchandise remained at the "Cornerstore" link on the site, which tells me that Colt 45 ain’t the only thing around here that works every time.
And that, good people, is the trouble with Lando and why Detroit wants to shut him down.But I guess selling cars in Toledo wasn’t paying the bills. Check out that Shakespearean effort hereNow, I can give a brother a pass on some things, but this isn’t one of those things. Malt liquor is a killer, it is a black public health hazard just as dangerous as asbestos or illiteracy, and the inner city should be just about tired of it by now. It has worn out its welcome and is time for it to go. Getting rid of the product itself would not be easy, but communities can make a concerted effort to limit the advertising and marketing of this liquid death. But first, we have to start at the beginning, because you have to get an understanding of your opponent before climbing into the ring to beat him down.BEERMAKING 101:KNOWING THE DIFFERENCEWhat is malt liquor? While there are many, many theories about malt liquor, where it’s from, how it’s made, there is only one way to get it. Malt liquor is a creation not of nature (surprise!), but of chemical manipulation and brewhouse sleight of hand. It is a mutant of the beer family whose sole purpose is to get you drunk. It’s not even beer, although hops are involved; it’s more moonshine than anything else.Beermaking is a double process, the first biological, the second chemical.In a typical beer recipe, you have your typical ingredients: malt, hops, honey or sugar, water and yeast. All of these ingredients work together as nature intended to create a beverage that is wholesome and natural. Yes, beer is an all-natural beverage. Hops are a very valuable medicinal herb whose healing properties include the promotion of sleep and improvement of appetite. It helps in indigestion and nervous disorders, and even breaks up kidney stones, which explains the water bill that beer makes you pay when you drink it. It also acts as a preservative by slowing down the process of spoilage.Barley is a natural grain which is used to break up fevers and chest congestion; malt is made by soaking barley in water, then drying it. It germinates releasing diastase, the enzyme needed for fermentation. The barley is then roasted to stop the germination process. Roasted barley is called malt.We all know where honey comes from; what is more natural than sunshine, flowers and bees? And yeast is a living organism, a life form in and of itself which ferments sugar and carbs. So, you see, beer is all natural and, dare I say it, organic. I can see beer drinkers raising a glass and saying, “See? I told you!”HOW BEER MAKES ITSELF: ORGANIC CHEMISTRY AT ITS FINESTFermentation is really simple: yeast, a living organism, feeds on sugar and carbs supplied by the malt. The sugar is metabolized, and the waste is expelled in the form of ethyl alcohol, carbon dioxide and energy. Fermentation allows yeast to extract energy from sugar for its biological processes such as digestion and reproduction, much like humans extract energy from the foods we eat for our processes.Here’s the fermentation formula for all my fellow chem heads and Poindexters:C6H12O6 -> 2 C2H5OH + 2CO2 (plus energy)As you can see, every one molecule of sugar produces TWO molecules of alcohol plus two CO2s.The CO2 is what gives beer its effervescence, its sparkle, and its suds. The ethyl alcohol is what gives beer its kick. Believe it or not, ethyl alcohol is necessary for the human body, in small amounts of course. When brewed as nature intended, the alcoholic content in beer can be anywhere between 2-4%. Anything over 4% alcohol is called malt liquor, even though some German beers are upwards of 5%.Everything in beer is reusable: the sprouts from the barley are used in animal feed, the hops are collected and reused in fertilizer, and the leftover yeast which is rich in B vitamins is used by pharmaceutical companies to make vitamins and drugs. Beer good.Malt liquor, on the other hand, is a horse of an entirely different color with no redeeming qualities, no flavor, no body, which means it’s not a horse at all. Malt liquor bad.THE FRANKENSTEIN OF BEERSWhile beer has been with us since the days of Hamurabi in ancient Egypt, malt liquor has not enjoyed that kind of distinguished pedigree. No, malt liquor first reared its drunken head after the war, in 1937, when the nation’s breweries were sandwiched between a rock and a hard place, namely the post-Prohibition Great Depression and World War II. Supplies were limited, they couldn’t get bottles, aluminum was being rationed, breweries were suffering. They didn’t have shit, kind of like now only it was then.
So, this guy in Ionia, MI (home of one of our illustrious state prisons) over at the Grand Valley Brewing Company invented “Clix Malt Liquor” in 1937. His tinkering with the sugar content produced a brew with a higher alcohol content (remember, more sugar in equals more alcohol out) and a thinner body. Then, not to be outdone, a fellow named Gluek in Minneapolis unveiled his “Stite” in 1942. But Gluek went one step further and patented his brew. Apparently, he had invented a new fermentation process that would yield more alcohol through tinkering with both the yeast and the sugar.What stops fermentation is the death of the yeast; the ethyl alcohol produced by the fermentation process kills the yeast off when it reaches a certain level. What sugar is not fermented remains in the beer and gives it body. That is the richness you taste in a beer, it’s unfermented dextrins.Malt liquor, however, has a trick up its sleeve; switch out the yeast and replace it with a hardier strain which is more tolerant of alcohol and won’t be killed in the fermentation process. Given a new lease on life it could live on another day to suck up all that extra sugar and piss out all that extra alcohol. With no dextrins floating around (because the yeast eats it all), what you get is a thinner bodied brew with less flavor. But boy, it’ll get you drunk as hell and with a quickness!And at upwards of 6% alcohol by volume, that is exactly the point.End of Part I.In Part II of The Trouble with Lando, we’ll see how malt liquor advertisers joined themselves at the hip to the myths surrounding black male sexuality.
They play the word game when things get hot. There really only two basic ways to brew beer and only one way to brew malt liquor. There is no such thing as high gravity lager. It's all malt liquor. The thing is, drinkers know what it is no matter what language you use. After the heyday of St. Ides the brewer sold off the name but kept the recipe.
This allowed them to shake off the rappers and the images they projected (which, I suspect, was the plan all along). The new design and packaging gave McKenzie River Corporation and G. Heilemann Brewers life after death.
Ah, the mincing of words. "High gravity" is another way of saying high fermentables (sugar. malt) which means more alcohol that equals malt liquor. Steel Reserve High Gravity Lager is malt liquor. Why the name change? That's easy.
Remember St. Ides Malt Liquor? Well, when St. Ides wore out its welcome its brewer revamped its image, but not its product. It hired a fancy graphic design outfit to re-design its cans and therefore its image. That silver can of Steel Reserve is nothing but St. Ides Malt Liquor in a new can.
Now, with only a few minor and relatively unimportant arguments concerning increasing the alcohol content of beers and ales, but not as cheaply as the High Gravity systems of malt liquors. I present exhibit 'B' from an old copy of "Playboy" magazine. Yes, I like to read things hidden in plain view.
I offer another Ghetto Concoction
Sold in the hood often for as low as 2 for $36 Today's recommended wine
Selections are by wine columnist Sandra Silfven, unless otherwise noted.
Moet & Chandon, Non-vintage Nectar Imperial Rose, $45
How many celebrations arise when you need an upscale sparkling wine that's smooth and fruity, but not bone-dry? Lots. Detroit is the exclusive test market for the whole world of 600 cases of Moet & Chandon's Nectar Imperial Rose, $45, which hit store shelves last month. And how did we deserve such honors? According to Mike Hardy of Moet, Detroit is the No. 1 market for the champagne maker's other sweet sparkler, Nectar Imperial, so it was only natural to let us rule on the new rose version. It's demi-sec in style, with zesty cherry and red currant fruit flavors, nice balance and has a rich, fleshy finish, without being heavy. Yes, Mom is going to like it, and so is the connoisseur in the house.
October 18, 2002 Detroit News
This frightened me greatly because as of last year, (2008) local drinking establishments 1) lowered their bottle service prices from over $100 ea to under $50 a piece, in competitions to sell as close to 100 bottle per night as possible. Consuming the full contents of one bottle would put any individual at felony levels of intoxication were they operating a motor vehicle. And the focus for the consumption was barely legal and sometimes under legal drinking age women. A fall in the market would no doubt focus the newly alcohol dependent in a far more horrific direction
It's interesting that even though malt liquor sales have been declining since the mid-90's, these companies continue to beat this horse. If you go to the website "Tales of Colt 45" you will witness the weirdest thing you have ever seen--the graphics, the links, all of it is just creepy. You have to ask, "Do these people see what they are doing?"
Tales of Colt 45 is a huge marketing scheme where the company sets up a listening party, usually with a band at a trendy club then serve Colt 45 to the guests. If you look at these photographs closely you will see Colt doing what it do--making people drunk as dogs. The pictures look kind of like a kegger, kind of like 'Girls Gone Wild', kind of like a frat party, but mostly like a roomful of drunk people all smashed up together. UGH!
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This allowed them to shake off the rappers and the images they projected (which, I suspect, was the plan all along). The new design and packaging gave McKenzie River Corporation and G. Heilemann Brewers life after death.
Remember St. Ides Malt Liquor? Well, when St. Ides wore out its welcome its brewer revamped its image, but not its product. It hired a fancy graphic design outfit to re-design its cans and therefore its image. That silver can of Steel Reserve is nothing but St. Ides Malt Liquor in a new can.
Now there's your lipstick on a pig!
Now, with only a few minor and relatively unimportant arguments concerning increasing the alcohol content of beers and ales, but not as cheaply as the High Gravity systems of malt liquors. I present exhibit 'B' from an old copy of "Playboy" magazine. Yes, I like to read things hidden in plain view.
I offer another Ghetto Concoction
Sold in the hood often for as low as 2 for $36
Today's recommended wine
Selections are by wine columnist Sandra Silfven, unless otherwise noted.
Moet & Chandon, Non-vintage Nectar Imperial Rose, $45
How many celebrations arise when you need an upscale sparkling wine that's smooth and fruity, but not bone-dry? Lots. Detroit is the exclusive test market for the whole world of 600 cases of Moet & Chandon's Nectar Imperial Rose, $45, which hit store shelves last month. And how did we deserve such honors? According to Mike Hardy of Moet, Detroit is the No. 1 market for the champagne maker's other sweet sparkler, Nectar Imperial, so it was only natural to let us rule on the new rose version. It's demi-sec in style, with zesty cherry and red currant fruit flavors, nice balance and has a rich, fleshy finish, without being heavy. Yes, Mom is going to like it, and so is the connoisseur in the house.
October 18, 2002 Detroit News
This frightened me greatly because as of last year, (2008) local drinking establishments 1) lowered their bottle service prices from over $100 ea to under $50 a piece, in competitions to sell as close to 100 bottle per night as possible. Consuming the full contents of one bottle would put any individual at felony levels of intoxication were they operating a motor vehicle. And the focus for the consumption was barely legal and sometimes under legal drinking age women. A fall in the market would no doubt focus the newly alcohol dependent in a far more horrific direction
and now
The picture is clear,
the lines are blurred.
Tales of Colt 45 is a huge marketing scheme where the company sets up a listening party, usually with a band at a trendy club then serve Colt 45 to the guests. If you look at these photographs closely you will see Colt doing what it do--making people drunk as dogs. The pictures look kind of like a kegger, kind of like 'Girls Gone Wild', kind of like a frat party, but mostly like a roomful of drunk people all smashed up together. UGH!