Sex Words by La Vonda R. Staples
The following was inspired by this article by George C. Curry:
http://www.michronicleonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=233:cdc-down-low-men-not-responsible-for-high-hiv-rates-among-black-women-&catid=33:top-news&Itemid=32#frmCommentPost
Our problem is not having enough women, our problem is that there is no reason to pick a single woman and therefore decrease the bounty of mate-seeking behaviours. You know, not picking a fight, not taking offense, dressing a certain way, or even committing sexual acts or sex itself sooner rather than later in hopes of gaining a coveted spot in the rotation.
Just as China has to now deal with the reckoning of the one child policy, we will see a reckoning (I predict). The reckoning will come in the form of a large demographic of Black men, aging, without proper connections to children or family, and without wives. In Latin America there is a culture of caring - you don't leave uncle Julio just sitting by the side of the road like an unwanted couch. That's a generalization but you get my point.
There is an unwritten requirement in Black America that excellence requires that you separate from family and friends who behave as "crabs in a barrel." So, you're single. You're old. Your doting mother and grandma and auntie have all gone to their heavenly reward. The women in your rotation have either married down or settled into singularity. Your children by at least two different mothers either don't know you or don't want to know you or have become like father like son and daughter and have also severed their ties with those who haven't made it and this includes you.
Where are you? You didn't have an additional income to build up your pension and if you do have means you're spending and spending for the "free" help you would have gained with a wife. Wives create social networks for husbands. Plain and simple. Husbands do not plan the birthday parties and do not send out the announcements of births, etc. This is still women's work. You declined all of the women with money as too bossy and you declined to be captain save-a-hoe and elevate some nice woman who only needed love and opportunity.
So there he sits. The Dr., Esquire, Professor, etc. etc. etc all alone. With no one to guide his hand to his chin. Long bearded and full of nothing but memories of when he went round and round and round. Pretty flowers all around his head like a halo - fitting for a demi-god. He sits and mourns his rotation.
Wild Rant About Black Women With HIV/AIDS
There's too much secrecy in sex for Black folks. Hell, we're even scared to tell each other (women) how to have a mind-blowing, self-induced orgasm all alone. We fall back on Bible verses. And we're caught up in so many lies regarding "standing by our men." I made a comment about NOT having sex with ex-cons and the men posted angrily on my page and crazy A women co-signed it every step of the way. Said I "hated my own people." If you want AIDS please go ahead and have unprotected sex with a "sweet" man (DL), a former long-term/any term convict, and a man who is struggling with a "flaw" (drug addiction of any kind, not just IV needles). Oh, I forgot We're all "flawed" and "ain't nobody perfect" and "if we don't stand by our men who will." The fact of the matter is this: if a Black woman has AIDS she almost ALWAYS gets it from a man. White men RARELY marry Black women so you'd have to walk out on faith and say that most of our sexual interaction is with Black/Hispanic men. Go further with that - we have a culture which says "gettin a lil piece" now and then is the single mother's right to demand from a maintenance man. Was I the ONLY person who read that article in Essence 20 years ago praising a woman for tricking a Black man into a "free" vacation and forced to go 1/2 on a baby? This is something we don't have to get. Here's another vaginal fact: women do not ejaculate, seep, secrete or eject, blood during an orgasm. Men do. HIV virus is a blood born virus and therefore it is INFINITESIMALLY harder to contract HIV from a woman rather than a man UNLESS the woman is on her period. FURTHER, we have multiplied the opportunity with the recent fads of thinking (young black men) that it's "just a blow job" or "all I got was some head." People are also self-reporting participating in anal sex WHICH ALWAYS INVOLVES BLEEDING AND ANAL TEARING !!! We're doing too much without a conversation, pre-caution, etc. I have to take you back to the 20/20 report on Black, successful, beautiful and single women. They SELF-REPORTED that they are having sex sooner in the relationship, riskier sex and sex without condoms in an effort to secure a mate. I coulda told them: God didn't make one and stop and ain't none of them lined with gold. But using it to get a man, putting in work that you can't stand? Those wages for that labour might be death.
What's the rotation? I can show you better than I can tell you:
1. First woman: she's the one who provides the most economic and professional benefit. She doesn't have to be attractive. She's the one he pretends to be a gentleman with. This level of the rotation involves the most lying. She is the forerunner for a wife and can easily double his income.
2. Second woman: she's the woman who he is seen with in his non-professional settings. He takes her on outings but only in areas where number one would never go. Additionally, she's of a connection to him where her presence with him can ALWAYS be explained. She's the plan B wife.
3. Third woman: she's the wannabe. She's the one who is used for errands, maybe a quick loan, but most importantly she's the one he can do ANYTHING with sexually and should she get of line neither number one or number two would EVER believe her. Not wife material but can easily knock number two out of the box or be interchanged with her if number one is no longer available and while a search for a new number one ensues should number two refuse to take on the duties. Oh yeah. Number one gets lied to but she ain't stupid. She's an ego maniac like him. She honestly believes that it's okay for him to "use" those other women 'til he gets ready to be "right" for "their relationship.
4. Fourth woman: Strictly for sex. She is of the lowest class and thankful to be in his presence. This is the level of highest honesty. She's no better than a dog to him so he doesn't EVER have to lie about who he is or is not seeing.
The rotation can always be expanded but there are key components. There is always a wife or wife in waiting, there's always one woman who is the primary sexual satisfier, there's always a woman who is completely unacceptable as a mate and also provides the outlet for honetsy, and there's always a woman who could move up or down in the rotation (she's a possible).
http://www.michronicleonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=233:cdc-down-low-men-not-responsible-for-high-hiv-rates-among-black-women-&catid=33:top-news&Itemid=32#frmCommentPost
The men are thieves in the temple. The women are girls waiting to be chosen, waiting for that prince to come. Giving everything and receiving nothing (in some lucky cases) and everything (wasted time, lost money, degradation, and disease). In the end we all lose, as the family is the root unit of society and in Black populations indigenous to America, a Black man as husband and father is becoming extinct. Lack of these roles does not teach a boy how to be a man and it does not teach a girl the proper way a man should treat a woman or how a woman should allow herself to be treated. We should all be afraid of where these things are leading.
Sadly, colloquial quips are the ways we are currently imparting social advice. We say, "a man gon' be a man" and "long as you get yours" as if these are really and truly truth. They're not. We're rushing towards social destruction with no regard to the world our fatherless generations will inherit.
Sin and Rotation
Societal changes rarely delete an institution which is vital to the existence of life. Meaning, there is no cataclysm which can eradicate birth, sexual interaction pursuant to said births, or even the exchange of communication or tangible gifts leading up to the possession of a mate to have sexual interaction to in turn produce a birth. There will always be a boy who picks the brightest apple to give to a girl in hopes of being the one most favoured by the deserving (or undeserving) ‘she.’
Humans have evolved and during this evolution customs have also expanded, constricted, gained meaning and lost meaning. In example, Jews break a glass when they are married. What did they break when they had no glass? Another example, Africans enslaved in America changed their rituals which told their corner of the world, that this man and this woman were a couple. The descendants of those long-dead souls have created yet another evolution: the rotation.
The rotation has existed in one form or another but it was mostly a female means of obtaining goods and services. Want someone to go to a certain club? Call Carl. He works the door or he’s a baller. Food stamps have run out early in the month? Call Willie Bobo, his dad and mom own the soul food restaurant and sometimes they have a lot of leftovers at the end of the day (especially when the weather is bad and the buffet table barely got touched). The female to male rotation is an institution of existence and subsistence. This new twist in the turning of romance is a device of use and abuse and not to lay blame on the man, the supplicants are all too willing to be placed within the orbit of a “made it” man. The male to female rotation takes advantage of Black women’s needs to find suitable mates. Not just husbands but to have men who are capable of being an asset to a career. And yeah, it’s marriage-minded servitude in the minds of the women (“if I just go through this then maybe he’ll notice…”).
What it amounts to is a taxation on a consumer by the goods. The goods are in short supply and the desperate consumer is willing to go to any length to simply lay claim to part of a man. A piece of a man. A moment of a man. The hope is always there that she will become his wife or at the very least share a home and a life with him. Strange behavior indeed from a population which reports the highest degree of Christianity. Jesus and his tenets are quickly cast aside in hopes of the rotation. Everything may be lost for the chance to be in an elite rotation , rather, a man who has already made it and needs a wife for nothing. Except companionship when his step is not so sure and his eyesight begins to fail. At which point, he’s perfectly free to go outside of his rotation and pick yet another candidate.
That’s the sin of the rotation. It has no honour. It has no conviction. It exists to the detriment of Black America. But just like any orbit, or rotational force, there’s no way to quit it without loss of life, dismemberment, confusion, and maybe just a little pain.
Summary to Rebuttals of "Sin and Rotation"Our problem is not having enough women, our problem is that there is no reason to pick a single woman and therefore decrease the bounty of mate-seeking behaviours. You know, not picking a fight, not taking offense, dressing a certain way, or even committing sexual acts or sex itself sooner rather than later in hopes of gaining a coveted spot in the rotation.
Just as China has to now deal with the reckoning of the one child policy, we will see a reckoning (I predict). The reckoning will come in the form of a large demographic of Black men, aging, without proper connections to children or family, and without wives. In Latin America there is a culture of caring - you don't leave uncle Julio just sitting by the side of the road like an unwanted couch. That's a generalization but you get my point.
There is an unwritten requirement in Black America that excellence requires that you separate from family and friends who behave as "crabs in a barrel." So, you're single. You're old. Your doting mother and grandma and auntie have all gone to their heavenly reward. The women in your rotation have either married down or settled into singularity. Your children by at least two different mothers either don't know you or don't want to know you or have become like father like son and daughter and have also severed their ties with those who haven't made it and this includes you.
Where are you? You didn't have an additional income to build up your pension and if you do have means you're spending and spending for the "free" help you would have gained with a wife. Wives create social networks for husbands. Plain and simple. Husbands do not plan the birthday parties and do not send out the announcements of births, etc. This is still women's work. You declined all of the women with money as too bossy and you declined to be captain save-a-hoe and elevate some nice woman who only needed love and opportunity.
So there he sits. The Dr., Esquire, Professor, etc. etc. etc all alone. With no one to guide his hand to his chin. Long bearded and full of nothing but memories of when he went round and round and round. Pretty flowers all around his head like a halo - fitting for a demi-god. He sits and mourns his rotation.
Wild Rant About Black Women With HIV/AIDS
There's too much secrecy in sex for Black folks. Hell, we're even scared to tell each other (women) how to have a mind-blowing, self-induced orgasm all alone. We fall back on Bible verses. And we're caught up in so many lies regarding "standing by our men." I made a comment about NOT having sex with ex-cons and the men posted angrily on my page and crazy A women co-signed it every step of the way. Said I "hated my own people." If you want AIDS please go ahead and have unprotected sex with a "sweet" man (DL), a former long-term/any term convict, and a man who is struggling with a "flaw" (drug addiction of any kind, not just IV needles). Oh, I forgot We're all "flawed" and "ain't nobody perfect" and "if we don't stand by our men who will." The fact of the matter is this: if a Black woman has AIDS she almost ALWAYS gets it from a man. White men RARELY marry Black women so you'd have to walk out on faith and say that most of our sexual interaction is with Black/Hispanic men. Go further with that - we have a culture which says "gettin a lil piece" now and then is the single mother's right to demand from a maintenance man. Was I the ONLY person who read that article in Essence 20 years ago praising a woman for tricking a Black man into a "free" vacation and forced to go 1/2 on a baby? This is something we don't have to get. Here's another vaginal fact: women do not ejaculate, seep, secrete or eject, blood during an orgasm. Men do. HIV virus is a blood born virus and therefore it is INFINITESIMALLY harder to contract HIV from a woman rather than a man UNLESS the woman is on her period. FURTHER, we have multiplied the opportunity with the recent fads of thinking (young black men) that it's "just a blow job" or "all I got was some head." People are also self-reporting participating in anal sex WHICH ALWAYS INVOLVES BLEEDING AND ANAL TEARING !!! We're doing too much without a conversation, pre-caution, etc. I have to take you back to the 20/20 report on Black, successful, beautiful and single women. They SELF-REPORTED that they are having sex sooner in the relationship, riskier sex and sex without condoms in an effort to secure a mate. I coulda told them: God didn't make one and stop and ain't none of them lined with gold. But using it to get a man, putting in work that you can't stand? Those wages for that labour might be death.
What's the rotation? I can show you better than I can tell you:
1. First woman: she's the one who provides the most economic and professional benefit. She doesn't have to be attractive. She's the one he pretends to be a gentleman with. This level of the rotation involves the most lying. She is the forerunner for a wife and can easily double his income.
2. Second woman: she's the woman who he is seen with in his non-professional settings. He takes her on outings but only in areas where number one would never go. Additionally, she's of a connection to him where her presence with him can ALWAYS be explained. She's the plan B wife.
3. Third woman: she's the wannabe. She's the one who is used for errands, maybe a quick loan, but most importantly she's the one he can do ANYTHING with sexually and should she get of line neither number one or number two would EVER believe her. Not wife material but can easily knock number two out of the box or be interchanged with her if number one is no longer available and while a search for a new number one ensues should number two refuse to take on the duties. Oh yeah. Number one gets lied to but she ain't stupid. She's an ego maniac like him. She honestly believes that it's okay for him to "use" those other women 'til he gets ready to be "right" for "their relationship.
4. Fourth woman: Strictly for sex. She is of the lowest class and thankful to be in his presence. This is the level of highest honesty. She's no better than a dog to him so he doesn't EVER have to lie about who he is or is not seeing.
The rotation can always be expanded but there are key components. There is always a wife or wife in waiting, there's always one woman who is the primary sexual satisfier, there's always a woman who is completely unacceptable as a mate and also provides the outlet for honetsy, and there's always a woman who could move up or down in the rotation (she's a possible).
https://theblacklist.net/
Comments
In the "rant" section. I made a typo. Sorry I really was ranting. I meant to say it is harder for a man to contract HIV from a woman (women do not expel, secrete, etc. blood in vaginal fluids).