Parable of the Man Who LovedHis Mama
Motherlove turns to smother love....
--Nietzsche
Heavenis at the feet of your mother.
--Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
There was a man wholoved his mama and his mama loved him, even though she called him theghost of her husband, who many years ago abandoned his family of fourchildren, and died in the dirty South of alcoholism. The man who lovedhis mama was only four years old when his father left. For a long timethe boy would stand in the doorway waiting for his father to return, buthe never did.
This departure affected all the children, two boysand two girls, but especially the young boy. A girl was the oldest,then a boy, and a girl younger than the man who loved his mama. Thefather's leaving may have turned the boy against belief in God, thoughhis older sister turned Communist in college. The other two childrenwere rather cool to the God concept, nor was the mother deeplyreligious. She worked hard as a bus driver taking care of her fourchildren by herself.
Before he departed, the father was crownedthe community drunk. Though he worked hard and hustled on the side asbuilder, much of his free time was spent getting drunk on the street andcoming home smashed, sometimes getting violent with his wife, if hedidn't fall unconscious on the front lawn, to the great embarrassmentand shame of his family.
The children and their friends often hadto step over the father to get into the house. Though there wasbitterness when he departed, there was elation and relief as well. Thuswhen the father went home to Mississippi, the mother cried goodriddance. Of course she loved him, just couldn't take his drinking andviolence. If he was addicted to white supremacy, why didn't he take itout on the white man, she thought. Yeah, why didn't he beat his boss?
Whenthe younger son grew up and developed a drinking habit, the mothersensed the ghost of her husband had returned to haunt her in her goldenyears--she was entering her 80s. The son had a good job as a bus driver,but his weekends were spent at home consuming beer, and often he wouldget loud and verbally abusive to his mama.
Otherwise, he was aloyal and dutiful child, more so than the other three children. When hismother retired and needed support, her son agreed to move back home tohelp her. He didn't mind because he'd suffered a bitter divorce from awife who'd had a child by her brother-in-law but claimed it was herhusband's. After learning the secret known by other family members, theson was naturally bitter but raised the child as his own, includingpaying child support until she was twenty-one.
The son was thustraumatized by his father's departure, then the wife's adultery. Afriend told him, "Welcome to the real world. This is your collegeeducation!"
But it made him bitter toward God. How could a lovingGod do this to him? He concluded if anyone was God to him, it was hismother, shall we say Mother Goddess?
Aside from his drinking andsometime verbal abuse, his mama loved her most dutiful child. Call it asymbiotic relationship: while she welcomed his support, she hated whenhe put on his persona as the ghost of her departed husband. His behaviorwas overwhelming and bordered on elderly abuse.
And yet shewilled her only wealth, her house, to her son, despite protests from herother children who thought she should divide the property equally,although they didn't assist their mother equally!
The mama felther son had done everything for her while the other children had donenothing, so why shouldn't he get everything?
The daughters tookmatters to court after they failed to get their mama to change the will.When they approached her, she told her son he ought to get a lawyer,and he did. The daughters claimed the mother was senile and the sonabusive. The mama wondered aloud why she was sitting in court over herown "motherfuckin shit"--yes, those were her words.
She won thecase brought by her daughters against her and her son, especially afterthe other son reluctantly decided to support his brother against hissisters. Oh, the love of family! Usually families fight over propertyafter the transition of the elders, but this family couldn't wait tilmama got in the ground to become an ancestor.
The court casetraumatized the poor family, and maybe divided them forever. But itadded another notch in the trauma and unresolved grief of the son,making him especially bitter against women. Even after he won, he was sobitter he couldn't enjoy the victory.
You won, man, a friendtold him. You are the king, go buy a nice African robe, crown and staff,yes, and get one of those horse hair fly swatters! Yes, and get thatwicker chair Huey Newton posed in. Make your sisters bow down and kissthe Queen Mother's feet and your feet when they come over. The sondidn't get the concept of his friend, maybe there was already too muchdrama in his life.
After the case, the son and mama grewinseparable. He had built a house in the back of his mama's, a nice twostory custom designed structure--something he learned to do from hisfather, grandfather and uncles. He couldn't understand why so many menare homeless in the North, every man builds his own house in theSouth--it ain't nothing but leaning two pieces of wood together!
Beforethe court case, he renovated his mama's house: custom kitchen, hardwoodand marble floors. Other than work, the son's life revolved around hismama. He had no social life. Women had made him paranoid. He wanted awoman but she had to bring something to the table. And she couldn't tellhim to give up his boy toys, three high speed motorcycles, cars andtrucks.
He wasn't giving up his garage with more tools than Home Depot. Hewanted a woman who understood him, and more than anything, was hisfriend who wouldn't betray him.
He knew better than this. His friend had turned him onto Rumi, and forthe first time hisspirituality took off running. He loved the poetry of Rumi like a hogloved slop. Rumi helped him understand the trauma of life and gavehim a modicum of sanity. Rumi taught him love wasn't about him or whathe wanted, love was for the beloved, not the lover! He wasn't ready tobe a prisoner of love.
The court awarded him total control overhis mama's affairs. Under court supervision he improved his care of her,taking her for walks, to the beauty shop, getting her manicured andpedicured. They were a couple. Her other children found it difficult toget with their mama. The dutiful son was convinced heaven was at thefeet of his mama. If nobody else loved him, he knew his mama did. Maybehe was the indeed the ghost husband, the man mama had wanted to love.
--MarvinX
4/4/10
www.parablesandfablesofmarvinx.blogspot.com
https://theblacklist.net/
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